Time flies.....always. I can't believe it has been two months since I posted on here--it seems days ago. It's been ten weeks since i started teaching, and, although i don't have panic attacks anymore (at least daily), i still feel as if i'm in a whirlwind. Sometimes it's all i can do to stay sane--i'm not sure i feel as if i'm actually teaching them anything. I SINCERELY hope i am--but sometimes i don't know. I ask myself over and over again, "What do I want them to really get out of this? What do I want them to learn?" and sometimes the answers to those questions aren't easy things to teach--what do i REALLY want them to learn? I want them to learn respect, the value of an education, the value of a life, the repercussions words easily said and not easily taken back, and, I remember myself saying this to people before i started teaching, how to love reading. But HOW do you teach those things--i mean--really, ideas would be helpful!!! And here's another one--how do you inspire students to WANT to learn--how do you light a fire under a kid that really doesn't give a flying flip about grades (if i have to hear "i don't care" ONE MORE TIME today....)??? Candy only goes so far! How do you let a child go--sure "No Child Left Behind" sounds great--but, as most parents know, there are some things you CANNOT FORCE on a child--I can only give them the tools--i cannot make them learn. When does it become their responsibility????? The students that have parent involvement will always turn in homework--or at least most of it. I can call them, and they will back me up. But for those who do not, who are in an institution, or whose parent(s) are so busy trying to help them survive with food and shelter to have time to worry also about their education, my remonstrations fall on bleeding ears. So here I am, Sunday night, trying to give myself a pep-talk. "Leigh," I say, "You go in there tomorrow and be excited--tell them they WILL learn today. Smile more. Laugh. Connect with their life" But who knows how i'll feel by 3:30. Is it terrible that i often feel like our public educations system is being held together with duct tape and fairy dust? I love the grit--i love these kids--i see they need help--but sometimes-----i too surrounded by "great ideas" and "reality" to really make this work.
So tomorrow--i will march in there--and hand out a sparkly wand (oh yes, 8th graders still love toys) and a tiny plastic trophy, and I will say, "You people are stinkin awesome--and you are gonna change the world!" because I hope that I can too.
