There is a morning mist rising from the hills, and I wish my soul were rising with it. The sun shines hopefully through the clouds, and I grasp at them to join in their hope. The washing machine whirrs, Fiona plays in her room, and my coffee steams beside me; it is a normal day, and life continues. And yet, my normal has come crashing down.
Yesterday, we found out that Daddy's cancer has once again spread. More tumours have appeared in his lungs, and at least one in his pancreas. While he and my mom have only been back in Papua New Guinea for three months, they are now returning to The States to start new treatment. And I ache for them. I am so proud of the choices they have made, to become missionaries, to return to mission work even when it was a difficult choice, an uncomfortable one. I know they trust Him with this too, this returning, this continued fight for a "new normal" health. And selfishly I ache for myself...
His traveling will be restricted, meaning they won't be returning to Scotland for a visit on the way home. His energy is low, and I think of all the things I wish I had done with him while he could still do it all. And yet, I know it would never be enough. I am starting to prepare Fiona for Grampa-Daddy's new look--he's already lost 20 lbs since Christmas, and she hasn't seen him since his hair has turned completely white, though even that may not be around much longer.
I feel bereft of solace, and yet I know My Comforter is here, His arms around me. It is enough that He will walk with us in this. Healing may come, I have faith He can heal. But He doesn't need to for my trust in Him to continue. His glory from our weakness. His grace and mercy in our pain--a kind parent to hold us in this time. I pray for His glory in everything, for hearts to turn to Him.
So Fiona and I will return to The States soon too, probably for an extended visit. Most likely we will be there for a month, maybe November. The plans will have to come together quickly, so please pray for all wisdom given to us that we make the right decisions. God is in this season. It will be hard to be away from Dave for so long, but he and I want to make the best of this time. We will need support, and I know God will provide dear friends.
And the sun lifts, and warms my legs. The coffee brightens my eyes. Change is coming swiftly--I will embrace it as a friend.
