Forgotten God

Once again I am sitting on the couch with my coffee, Bible open to Judges.  I am reading the end of Gideon's story, the one not told in Sunday school, and I'm surprised by what I read.  When Gideon finishes off the cities that were thwarting him, and finally returns home, he brings all the golden earrings and jewelry worn by the conquered armies.  And then, he makes a statue out of it.  I immediately think, "Why did he do that?"  He knows his people, and even his own family, have struggled with idol worship, he has seen what mighty things God has done for him, and yet he makes a statue...that quickly becomes an idol.  And the craziest thing is, he and his family end up worshiping this idol too!!!  Then Gideon dies, and the whole nation goes back to forgetting God.

I read stories like this in the Bible all the time, and I am astonished at how quickly the people of God turn away from him, yet I don't see the connection in my own life.  I forget the amazing, miraculous things God has done in my life and heart, and I complain about the smallest things, and I argue with my husband in my own selfishness.  It's the same with current events isn't it?  We look at the evil in the world, the Boston bombings for instance, and wonder why someone would do these things.  And yet, didn't Jesus say that anyone who hates his brother or sister is a murderer too (1 John 3:15)?  Therefore--are we not on the same level as the Boston bombers?!?

We want to believe that we humans have evolved to a higher level of morality than we had, oh say, 100 years ago, or even yesterday, and yet, we haven't--we are still the sinful people that God kicked out of the garden because we wanted to be on the same level as Him who created us.  Every time we try to raise ourselves above even the "lowest level of humanity" (in the world's eyes), we are giving an inch to Satan.  Our pride says, "I'm not that bad," and therefore we allow ourselves some worth in and of ourselves, and outside of the only One who can make us worthy.

I can't say that I have given over my pride to God.  I pray repeatedly that He would help me give it over, be filled with more of him, and less of me--but I think a lot of myself.

          

"Thank you God, that you have given us the Bible to remind us of who we are, what we are capable of, and why we need you in every fiber of our being. Help me daily to seek you, to be filled with more of Your Spirit, and to become more of the person you would have me be.  Thank you Lord, for your mercy, unending.  For your kindness to this broken, fleshly body, that strives to be the redeemed child you have rescued.  Thank you Lord."

ps--I highly recommend Francis Chan's book Forgotten God about allowing the power of the Holy Spirit to be active in our every day hearts and lives.  Check it out!

Coffee with Jesus

I drowsily opened my eyes this morning, already filled with exhaustion.  Last night I woke up several times, the first being at eleven pm, only an hour after falling asleep, with a feeling more akin to a drugged haze, not knowing why I was awake or why I felt as I did.  Several times throughout the night I awoke in sweat and fear, praying to God to rid me of this familiar feeling of dread--heart thumping to every sound in the night.  Though I've struggled with night terrors in the past, this was not one of these--I was still aware of God's presence.  He brought verses to my mind.."I have not given you the spirit of fear..." and reminded me he was present, even amongst my fear.  And though it did not dissipate completely, I knew I could be present with God even among the lingerings of fear, and I was not paralyzed by it.

Dave slept poorly as well, though I think that may have had a lot to do with my tossing and turning, and also how many times I left the bed for one thing or another (too hot...too cold...what is that noise...is the baby ok?).  But this morning, he got up first, as usual.  He changed the baby, and, after she was done nursing, went and had breakfast with her--she eating her oatmeal while he had cereal.  I tried to sleep some more, but I also prayed.  I prayed that "The joy of the Lord [would be] my strength" in this tired day ahead of me.  That I would be a joyful servant of God to my wonderful baby and husband, even though I was out of coffee and had no time for a nap.  And then, as Fiona was eating a snack and getting ready to go down for her morning nap, my best friend calls and brightens my morning, and my husband walks in with a thermos of coffee from the office.  I didn't ask for those things--I asked for endurance and patience--but God gave me a physical blessing instead--how wonderful!

As I sat on the couch, drinking my coffee, with the Bible splayed on my lap, I read of God's faithfulness in the small things with a man named Gideon.  You may know this story, but I'll give you a quick synopsis.  Gideon was called on by God to go into battle up against the powerful Midianites.  But God wants to make sure that the Israelites, whom Gideon will be leading into battle, know that HE, the One True God, is the one who is winning the battle for them.  So, God makes Gideon tell the majority of the Israelite army to go home, and tells Gideon to take a small number, hundreds against thousands of thousands, into battle.  "That same night the Lord said to him [Gideon], “Arise, go down against the camp, for I have given it into your hand. But if you are afraid to go down, go down to the camp with Purah your servant. And you shall hear what they say, and afterward your hands shall be strengthened to go down against the camp” (Judges 7:9-11).  Gideon is strengthened by what he hears when he goes down to the camp, he obeys God's plan to make them win the battle, and they do!  And everyone knows it is the Lord who won the battle.  Isn't that amazing!  God cares when we are afraid, even if it has no merit with the outcome.  God was going to win the battle for Gideon in fear or not, but he wanted him to be comforted.

Sometimes we don't feel comforted when we are in God's presence--he wants us to trust him through our fear, and walk through it with him anyway--but sometimes, like in Gideon's case, he comforts us for our own wellbeing.  Last night I did not feel comforted, but I knew God was with me, even in my discomfort.  That is a part of believing in Christ--trusting him in the uncomfortable places.  Do I like to be comfortable--of course!  But I know that my faith is grown even in the hard places, and I am glad God brings me through those.  Amen & amen!

*The reference in the title to "Coffee with Jesus" is an entity of Radio Free Babylon, and is a comic strip I highly recommend you check out on Radio Free Babylon's site on Facebook!

Undone

It's 10:30 in the morning, and tears have already drenched my face three times.  My sick little one sleeps in her crib, while, on the couch, tears run down my face.  I read my mom's e-mail about her missionary kids/students' trip to Lae, the things they do there, the work that opens their hearts, and I weep for those hearts.  I know that feeling, opening to this new thing, this new work God is doing in my heart, and yet not knowing exactly what it means, not yet.  I open the book we, women in our community, are studying, One Thousand Gifts, the book I am meant to be leading a discussion on today, but am sitting on the couch listening to see if my little one needs comfort instead.  I read one of the last two chapters in the book, and am undone not once, but twice.  My mind flits back to the chapters in Judges I read today, and I think about how many judges God sent the Israelites to help them defeat their oppressors, and how many times they forgot Him until they were in need again; I beg Him to help me not repeat their pattern of forgetfulness.  I feel my heart opening, my eyes brimming, and I don't know what it means, but I thank God for it--I ask for more, because I know he is bringing me somewhere, leading me to something I can't yet see.  My friends, I count them as friends even though I have only know them in person for mere days, are leaving the mission field of small town Mexico in December, and ask for others to come and fill their place.  I love that place, is God calling me there? Weeks ago, did I not dwell on the hard places God had brought me through these last few years, and ask him for more?  More hard place Lord, more hard blessings--I want them!  I don't know what this looks like, what these tears, these yearnings, are preparing me for--if it is to do dishes in service to The King, to fold laundry and clean, to care for my family in heart for His service--so be it--bring me to praise your name through the suds Lord Jesus!  I praise you Lord for these tears, for always softening my heart, for seeking me on the couch, for giving me your Word.  You are always good, and I am always loved by Love.

Waves

Every day, during Fi's nap, I turn my ipod to a white noise app. so that she can hear waves while she's sleeping.  It seems to help her sleep longer, and drowns out the noise of the outside world--maintenance men on the roof, the squeals and shouts of kids in the soccer field outside, the ringing of the telephone, etc.  Early this morning, as I lay in bed, I awoke to the sounds of those waves, but slowly realized I hadn't turned on the machine.  In the fogginess of waking, I realized the "waves" were actually the slow and steady breathing of my beloved, and I smiled groggily.  I smile even now as I write this, because those same slightly loud breaths used to keep me awake.  Irritably I would tell him to turn over so the longer distance would muffle his "loud" breathing.  Now they sound like waves of slumber.  God's grace--the sounds we used to be discontent with now lull us to sleep; we embrace them with tenderness.  Fi just awoke from her morning nap, and on the monitor I hear her talking to her stuffed animals in her crib, and know she is likely tugging off her socks and attempting to pull up on the crib wall--my big girl.  Outside I hear the kids from a few apartments down, peals of delighted chatter and laughter as they ride as fast as they can down our little hill on their riding toys.  What a marvelous, blessed place I am in--what an amazing God that he allows me to enjoy these things.  But I know every day is not like today, and that is ok too--"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” ( John 16:33).