It's only 3:00 pm, and I have already been so greatly challenged today! I went to a mom's Bible study this morning, and was challenged to learn how to let others lead (this means I have to stop leading, and get out of the way sometimes!). Then, I was listening to the President give a speech on the radio, which led to a brawlingly loud conversation over lunch about political choices, and was challenged (a bit too late unfortunately) to let my actions speak louder than my words when it comes to moral choices. And just now, after speaking to a friend that started the non-profit I write for, The You ARE Project, I was again challenged to continue seeking God, and speaking/writing as He provides outlets for that.
This coming weekend is the Oaks women's retreat, and I will be giving my testimony at some point. I hate when I ramble, especially when there is an important point to what I am trying to say, and I want to make sure I don't ramble while giving my testimony. I also want to remember that there is a reason I am giving it, and that God has a vision for what He wants me to say, as opposed to rambling off my life story and calling it my "testimony."
After lunch, I was all fired up over the political conversation, that I just wanted to jump on facebook and do what I swore I would never do--let my ranting fly free and give everyone a piece of my politically charged mind. I have done that in the past (sorry if you were privy to that moment), and know it was not a helpful thing, and often got me in trouble. My ranting was going to point a finger at those of us (yes, I now feel I am numero uno in line for blame here) who love to tell you what we believe in, but rarely go out and help those in true need of seeing that belief become a reality.
So, in light of that, I believe I need to spend some time in prayer, and see where God is leading me to use my time, efforts, and talents to do the things He is convicting me of--whether that be volunteering, or just getting off my butt and going for a walk among His creation. Prayer--there's another two-way street I often treat as a one-way; I need to work on listening to God as well! Love to you all!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Goals & Blessings in 2012
I was reading a friend's blog today, and he was listing his goals for 2013. I like that idea, and intend to pursue it, but I want to look back at 2012. I want to make sure I truly recognize the goals I achieved, and blessings I received in the year that has passed.
Goals/Blessings:
1-Write in a public forum somehow.
This year, a friend of mine contacted me and asked me to write for her website, geared towards women of all ages, to encourage them in real, practical, Christian life. My articles are about Dave and mine's decision to become parents, the mental process that we went through to get there, and the hardships along the way. I am so excited to be a part of this project, and God's timing was perfect! This writing has helped me continue to pursue my artistic desires, as well as learning and growing as a new mom! If you want to take a look, the website is: theyouareproject.com
2-Become a mom.
It's funny as I think back over last year, my head almost skips it, and jumps back to 2011. 2011 seems like just yesterday, yet God has grown my heart in so many ways since then. I was excited when I found out I was pregnant that year, but it took a good portion of 2012 for me to accept the idea of it. God had to walk me by the hand through the fear I felt during my pregnancy, constantly reminding me He was with me & my baby, no matter what. I had a hard time connecting with Fiona before she was born. Even after the first trimester, I was scared to connect with her, because the pain of losing a baby was something I never wanted to feel again! It was hard to "let go, and let God," heal my heart and prepare it for this new addition, while helping me continue to grieve my loss in a healthy way. And yet he did!
3-Be pregnant.
Yes, I realize that goes kinda side-by-side with becoming a mom, but it's different. One of the small reasons why Dave and I decided to have a baby, was so I could experience the joy of being pregnant! It was one of the most amazing experiences I have had thus far! It's kinda silly, but being pregnant, knowing there is literally another person growing inside you, it makes you feel a little invincible! I felt like there was this shield over us--life we were protected somehow. And I never felt alone. I loved loved loved when I finally got to feel the baby move inside me, and then, later on, see her move. I never got over that fantastic feeling--when my stomach gurgles now, I think back to that, and miss it a bit (though that does NOT mean I want to be pregnant again any time soon. With pregnancy comes delivery--and I need YEARS to forget that, maybe longer, maybe forever).
4-Have girl friends.
I have made close friends in the past, but it has always been difficult for me. I used to say, "Girls are just harder to befriend!" But I don't necessarily think that's true. Guys are easier to become friends with more quickly, but not on a deeper level. Girls, or women more precisely, take time and effort. So really I think God may just be teaching me how to be patient, more transparent, and a little less lazy. This past year I have become closer to some amazing women here at The Oaks, and I appreciate their friendship, and hold it dear to my heart. I can "borrow" an onion or a cup of sugar, or just drop by for a cup of coffee. I can cry (though I still don't like to) on their proverbial or literal shoulders, or make their day by giving them a few laughs. In short, I can share my heart, and know it is safe.
5-Be a more involved sibling.
In 2011, through my miscarriage, and then the departure of my parents to the mission field, my siblings and I realized we may need to cling a little bit closer to each other. In 2012, with having just become pregnant, and then later having a baby, I feel like I learned more intensely how much of a blessing family really is. I have four siblings, so sometimes that's not easy to stay in touch with everyone. It has always been easier for me to be closer to my sisters, which I think is normal. Women like to talk, so we call each other often--sometimes FaceTiming too. I do try to remember and contact my brothers, as they're not great at initiating that contact, but they're pretty good at returning a text, email, or call....eventually ;). I made a point in the last year or so to try and be more open with my family--to share "me" even on my grungiest days, and ya know what? They loved me anyway.
Well--that's 2012! Onward and upward! 2013 is upon us--now go eat some nachos
Goals/Blessings:
1-Write in a public forum somehow.
This year, a friend of mine contacted me and asked me to write for her website, geared towards women of all ages, to encourage them in real, practical, Christian life. My articles are about Dave and mine's decision to become parents, the mental process that we went through to get there, and the hardships along the way. I am so excited to be a part of this project, and God's timing was perfect! This writing has helped me continue to pursue my artistic desires, as well as learning and growing as a new mom! If you want to take a look, the website is: theyouareproject.com
2-Become a mom.
It's funny as I think back over last year, my head almost skips it, and jumps back to 2011. 2011 seems like just yesterday, yet God has grown my heart in so many ways since then. I was excited when I found out I was pregnant that year, but it took a good portion of 2012 for me to accept the idea of it. God had to walk me by the hand through the fear I felt during my pregnancy, constantly reminding me He was with me & my baby, no matter what. I had a hard time connecting with Fiona before she was born. Even after the first trimester, I was scared to connect with her, because the pain of losing a baby was something I never wanted to feel again! It was hard to "let go, and let God," heal my heart and prepare it for this new addition, while helping me continue to grieve my loss in a healthy way. And yet he did!
3-Be pregnant.
Yes, I realize that goes kinda side-by-side with becoming a mom, but it's different. One of the small reasons why Dave and I decided to have a baby, was so I could experience the joy of being pregnant! It was one of the most amazing experiences I have had thus far! It's kinda silly, but being pregnant, knowing there is literally another person growing inside you, it makes you feel a little invincible! I felt like there was this shield over us--life we were protected somehow. And I never felt alone. I loved loved loved when I finally got to feel the baby move inside me, and then, later on, see her move. I never got over that fantastic feeling--when my stomach gurgles now, I think back to that, and miss it a bit (though that does NOT mean I want to be pregnant again any time soon. With pregnancy comes delivery--and I need YEARS to forget that, maybe longer, maybe forever).
4-Have girl friends.
I have made close friends in the past, but it has always been difficult for me. I used to say, "Girls are just harder to befriend!" But I don't necessarily think that's true. Guys are easier to become friends with more quickly, but not on a deeper level. Girls, or women more precisely, take time and effort. So really I think God may just be teaching me how to be patient, more transparent, and a little less lazy. This past year I have become closer to some amazing women here at The Oaks, and I appreciate their friendship, and hold it dear to my heart. I can "borrow" an onion or a cup of sugar, or just drop by for a cup of coffee. I can cry (though I still don't like to) on their proverbial or literal shoulders, or make their day by giving them a few laughs. In short, I can share my heart, and know it is safe.
5-Be a more involved sibling.
In 2011, through my miscarriage, and then the departure of my parents to the mission field, my siblings and I realized we may need to cling a little bit closer to each other. In 2012, with having just become pregnant, and then later having a baby, I feel like I learned more intensely how much of a blessing family really is. I have four siblings, so sometimes that's not easy to stay in touch with everyone. It has always been easier for me to be closer to my sisters, which I think is normal. Women like to talk, so we call each other often--sometimes FaceTiming too. I do try to remember and contact my brothers, as they're not great at initiating that contact, but they're pretty good at returning a text, email, or call....eventually ;). I made a point in the last year or so to try and be more open with my family--to share "me" even on my grungiest days, and ya know what? They loved me anyway.
Well--that's 2012! Onward and upward! 2013 is upon us--now go eat some nachos
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Parenting = constant fear
Parenting seems to equal constant fear. I mean, it can. I struggle with it every day, and constantly have to pray, "God, give me your peace." Fiona is truly sick for the first time, and everything is terrifying me. She has a horrid cough that sounds like she's hacking up a lung, and I keep having these awful thoughts that she's going to choke on all the stuff in her sleep and suffocate! I just prayed last night, "Lord, keep my baby safe, be with her, give her peace, make her comfortable, and give me peace Lord. Show me what I can do to help her, and let me leave the rest in your hands." Motherhood is scary. If I dwelt on all the things that could happen to my precious baby every day I would be a nervous wreck! Thank you Jesus that He guides my thoughts--otherwise I would have no hope!
Right now she is sleeping in her crib for her morning nap. I googled different things last night to try and see what I could do to help her feel better--but I was already doing them. Her mattress is slightly elevated at the head, there's humidifier in her room, and I'm putting saline drops in her nose and using the nose sucker. I'm also nursing her whenever she feels like it to keep more fluids in her--and letting her rest and do things I wouldn't normally do, like watching TV (she seems to really like Dragon Tales--now that theme song is stuck in my head!). I thanked God for giving me wisdom--though I never feel wise, but more like I'm barely balancing something that is going to crash down on my head any second.
An amazing thought I had while praying this morning was this--think about your children when they were in your womb. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, they were sharing a space with the Holy Spirit! Now, theologically I know He is not physically in us--but isn't that a wonderful thought? He created our bodies as mothers to be this nurturing, warm, and virtually perfectly safe place for our little ones to grow, so He is with them there! And he doesn't abandon them when they enter this harsh world of germs and colds. Even today, as Fiona seemed to be coughing in despair, when she was done with that coughing bout, looked up at me and gave me a brilliant smile! God is with her even when she's not feeling her best, and letting her know she is loved and safe in His love.
Well, she will be up soon, and I need to get ready for her 6 month doctors visit this afternoon. Poor Baba has to be poked and prodded while not feeling her best, but I will be there with cuddles and pacifiers to help her through it.
Right now she is sleeping in her crib for her morning nap. I googled different things last night to try and see what I could do to help her feel better--but I was already doing them. Her mattress is slightly elevated at the head, there's humidifier in her room, and I'm putting saline drops in her nose and using the nose sucker. I'm also nursing her whenever she feels like it to keep more fluids in her--and letting her rest and do things I wouldn't normally do, like watching TV (she seems to really like Dragon Tales--now that theme song is stuck in my head!). I thanked God for giving me wisdom--though I never feel wise, but more like I'm barely balancing something that is going to crash down on my head any second.
An amazing thought I had while praying this morning was this--think about your children when they were in your womb. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, they were sharing a space with the Holy Spirit! Now, theologically I know He is not physically in us--but isn't that a wonderful thought? He created our bodies as mothers to be this nurturing, warm, and virtually perfectly safe place for our little ones to grow, so He is with them there! And he doesn't abandon them when they enter this harsh world of germs and colds. Even today, as Fiona seemed to be coughing in despair, when she was done with that coughing bout, looked up at me and gave me a brilliant smile! God is with her even when she's not feeling her best, and letting her know she is loved and safe in His love.
Well, she will be up soon, and I need to get ready for her 6 month doctors visit this afternoon. Poor Baba has to be poked and prodded while not feeling her best, but I will be there with cuddles and pacifiers to help her through it.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
6 months and counting
Today is her six month birthday--where has that time gone?! Two days ago, I tried to get her to take a nap on my chest just to get some cuddles in, but no more--she wanted her bed. Just two months ago, should wouldn't nap anywhere else, and now if I want a cuddle she has to be half asleep. I can still get in one or two from time to time, but she's a mover now--that's for sure. I knew that cuddly stage wouldn't last for long, and I sure cherished each moment she gave me to just hold her close and smell her sweet head, but I do miss it a bit. This new stage is an adventure too though. I love seeing her rolling everywhere, reaching and grabbing all the toys around her, and starting to try and move forwards. I put her in the Johnny Jumper the other day--she didn't jump, but she liked being able to touch the ground, and she made herself swing a little; I think she'll like it once she sees what she can do in it. We weighed her the other night--she weighs about 15 lbs now. She's our little chubba wubba--rolls everywhere. For her six month birthday today, we're thinking about starting her out on carrots. We tried cereal a couple months back, but she REALLY hated it, so we thought we'd just wait it out and start on the veggies when she turned six months old. I'm excited to take some pictures with orange carrots all over the face--hope she likes them!
Well, she is sleeping right now, and last night wasn't a great night as the power went out and we had to pull her in bed with us to stay warm. This resulted in not a whole lotta sleep for anyone. To quote a friend, "I think a nap would look great on me right about now." See ya later!
for fun: here's a pic of her eating cereal for the first time--doesn't she look thrilled?
Well, she is sleeping right now, and last night wasn't a great night as the power went out and we had to pull her in bed with us to stay warm. This resulted in not a whole lotta sleep for anyone. To quote a friend, "I think a nap would look great on me right about now." See ya later!
for fun: here's a pic of her eating cereal for the first time--doesn't she look thrilled?
Friday, January 11, 2013
New year
Well--it's 2013--have you gotten use to writing that yet? I'm trying very hard to remember and write 2013 instead of 2012. I think it's easier this year for some reason--dunno why. I was looking at my blog today and realized I haven't posted since September--wow! Well, I guess that's motherhood for you--though if you asked my father-n-law he would tell you I have time for everything I want to have time for, and I suppose that's true on some level. When I have down time, I usually end up working on a column, finally getting to my daily cup of coffee, or just zoning out with a good TV show (sometimes it doesn't even have to be good). But I want to get better at writing, and as I've been told, writing daily really helps with that. So--my goal would be to write every day, but that doesn't necessarily mean blogging every day. It could be working on a column or just journaling, but I am going to try and keep up with it. This is the year!...hopefully :).
Baby girl will be 6 months old tomorrow! It feels crazy to say that I have a six month old, but it's true! She is squawking beside me right now as her daddy puts her pj's on (she really hates getting dressed). We are going to start her on carrots tomorrow--that should make for some nice pictures. She still has little hair--it's pretty much peach fuzz--but I do think it's going to be curly, and a bit red. Yay! I will leave you this evening with a picture I just took of her sitting on the couch with one of her toys.
Baby girl will be 6 months old tomorrow! It feels crazy to say that I have a six month old, but it's true! She is squawking beside me right now as her daddy puts her pj's on (she really hates getting dressed). We are going to start her on carrots tomorrow--that should make for some nice pictures. She still has little hair--it's pretty much peach fuzz--but I do think it's going to be curly, and a bit red. Yay! I will leave you this evening with a picture I just took of her sitting on the couch with one of her toys.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)