Today I read the end of Nehemiah, and also part of the first chapter of John Piper's book Desiring God for my quiet time. I can't say that I have been doing this on a daily basis lately, but I am working to get back to a place that I remember to fill my longing for joy with my heavenly Father before I fill it with other things. This longing for joy, for happiness, is one of the main themes of Desiring God, and it is really very interesting to me. Often we as Christians feel we need to suppress our desires to be happy and just "do without" or "push through" life.
This makes me think of the scene in one of my favorite films, A Knight's Tale, where the character of Chaucer's comes into the story. He walks by the three main men, and they ask him what he is doing. He says, "Trudging. You know, trudging? to trudge: the slow,weary, depressing yet determined walked of a man who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simple soldier on." I think sometimes we think we are made to trudge and nothing else. Just to "get it done." But we are made to be happy, to seek happiness through the joy of Christ. God is a God of joy--always.
There are parts in this book (Desiring God), even in the first chapter, that I am fighting against, but it is a good fight. On page 41 it says, "Sin and pain he abhorred...sin-covering, death-conquering obedience he delighted in...so it is with all pain and sin: Grievous in itself, it does not thwart his plans, or diminish his deepest delight." What I get from that is that God is deeply sad that we choose to inflict pain on one another, and that we are terribly hurt by things in this world, but that even through those things, his plans are not disturbed. His plans will come to fruition whether we have cuts and scrapes, smelling like manure, or clean as a rose and well, and he delights in this--he has joy in this. And that does give me a sense of calm. A picture of that on this earth is a mother and father. They raise their children well, keep them safe, teach them the things they need to know, and lead them out into the world. Their children make mistakes, fall down, sometimes get put in jail, but that is their life to lead--though it saddens the parents when their children don't succeed, they are still able to live a joyful life even through knowing the children are bringing pain on themselves, and still able to reach out to give comfort and care and unending love to them.
Today is my daughter's second birthday. Two years ago today I was just 3 hours shy of meeting this wonderful being God presented to Dave and I to help grow and nourish and love and respect--cherish. Through that awful pain--the worst I have ever endured and hopefully will ever endure physically--a joy came into my life that I am daily surprised and delighted with. Ever day has its tediums and hardships, but every day has its all encompassing joy. I cannot accept God's joy without also accepting the pain. I cannot gain strength without pushing into the hardship, like lifting weights and gaining muscles. And through all the pain, I know that God is still happy; through the joy, God is happy--he is constant in his strength. Praise be to God for birthdays. Thank you God for this day to celebrate, and help me celebrate even when tears come, because you are good and your love endures forever.
