We do no plan to not be here. To say the things left unsaid. And words are so extravagant, splendid, beautiful
creatures. So many of my hours
have been spent with books, and so far I don’t regret those. They are truly lovely. Words are power and blessing. These are words at this moment that I
want to share, because I never want to not share them.
To my husband:
If I go first, make sure the family get-togethers are good and often. Call our kids, still go on adventures,
don’t make them do all the planning, don’t forget to ask them about them,
always say “I love you.” And know
you are my greatest adventure—always have been. My horizons have widen literally and figuratively because of
you, as they never possibly could have without. Do you not know I saw the world because of you? I saw them through the places we saw,
but also through the politics we talked, the books I read, the movies we
discussed. You pushed me to have a
heart for it—this world God made and we broke. You gave me a heart, just like the Tin Man ;). You are my truest, best friend.
Or to siblings: I notice you—I think about you—you’re
important. Don’t forget to have
dreams for yourself, and embrace them, even if they change every day. Be content to be where you are in the
moment, but don’t just let the next one pass you by. You are fantastic people, the lot of you. Just know I talk about you more than I
talk to you, and it is mostly good things ;). I love you like crazy.
I’m so glad you belonged to me.
And you guys are crazy good parents; seriously. You are fantasmic. Be proud to be proud of those kids—they
love you because you helped them be capable of love. That’s a pretty cool thing.
To my parents:
thank you. You were good
ones. I’m sorry for all the
complaining as a kid; I have nothing to complain about. I had adventures, love, and security
galore. I had freedom, thought,
God. I’m sorry it took so long to
realize that. I love you. I’m proud of you—I tell everybody that
will listen about my parents, their job history, their family life, their hope,
their mission (I’m pretty sure a doctor wouldn’t need any more info that what I
share, oops). I’m so excited for
you guys. What a story!
To my kid(s): You are awesome. I have been giddy with just looking at you, watching your
world unfold. I have l o v e d
it. You have brought me joy that I
would not have experienced had it not been for you, just you—I revel in it. My hope for you is that you will
experience the joy of Our Maker, Creator, Friend, and Savior more closely than
anything else in your life. You
are divine—a child of the King, and don’t forget it! Love it! Live it! Your smile and laughter has brightened countless days, far
far more than any sadness or madness or “hurtness” has darkened them—never feel
guilty for those moments of “hurtness.”
I have hurt others as you have hurt me, and that is all taken over by
God’s grace, His immaculate grace and mercy. Thank Him for his forgiveness and move on—I did.
To my friends:
Oh you have brought me so much good heart hurt. I ache to have you spread all over
God’s green, and not so green, earth!
But what a joy it’s been to know you! To listen, and probably mostly talk, to you. To have coffee with you. To love you—sometimes selfishly want
you to myself, ok almost always want you to myself. I love triumphing with you!!! I love making butter with milk
from your very on cow with you (because I will never do that on my own). I love loving brown babies with
you—knowing their stories, sharing their sorrows. I love gardening and crafting with you (even though I can’t
do any of that stuff, when you do it, I know it’s possible, and that makes me
proud). I love seeing your babies
grow, and I love how proud of them you are—it makes me proud too. I love how I can still remember silly
things from childhood with you (remember memorizing the Winnie the Pooh song on
that weird beach trip?). Or how
you used to buy CD’s with pennies just to give that poor cashier a hard time (I
still think you “suck as a person” because of that). And, this is a secret I keep from you, I am MUCH better than
you at hating people who have hurt you—I rarely forgive them; thankfully, you
are a better person than I am, and you do.
To you: thanks for observing my life. Though facebook is terribly impersonal,
I do actually know who has “liked” what I post. Friends of friends of sibling’s/parent’s friends—that tells
me you love me, even if it’s through them, and that means you love me because
you love them. What an amazing
blessing—to be able to observe someone’s life. Don’t stop; it is sometimes all that matters.
ps-if you wonder where all this came from, other than “out
of the blue,” I am reading The End of Life Book Club, and though a bit sad, it is wonderfully thought provoking. And the writer’s mother
an inspiration of what God created us to be.
