The Nelson's 1st Christmas

This is our first Christmas weekend just the two of us.  I do miss being with family, but I also have truly enjoyed the time, just Dave and I.  Today, on Christmas Eve, I got up, and made breakfast for the two of us--"eggy in a basket" (a piece of toast with a hole cut in the middle, then fried an egg in the hole and toasted on both sides) and grits.  It turned out pretty good, even though Dave usually makes that meal.  After a relaxed morning, we had soup for lunch (we both still have a bit of a cold), and then took a nap.  Then we took the dogs for a nice long walk along the Northwestern loop trail, and let them run.  It was beautiful up there.  You gain enough elevation to look down over camp during some parts, and on others, you look down over the valley on the other side.  It was perfect to walk and talk together.  Then we came back and had some tea.  Now Dave and the dogs are taking nap #2, while I sit on the couch in front of the roaring fire in the wood stove, lights twinkling on the Christmas tree, and write.  In a little while we're going to head out to the small presbyterian church here in our little town, and go to the candlelight service there.  I always enjoy going to Grandmama's church for their Christmas Eve service, as well as Mervyn and Sylvia's church for the midnight Christmas Eve service.  Hopefully this one will be just as good.  Only half the Christmas weekend is over, and it has already been so wonderful.  I am truly blessed to have this time to spend with Dave, knowing my family across the States, and the ocean, love us, and are just a phone call or Skype conversations away.  We love you all dearly.  Merry Christmas.

Green

I find it quite amazing that things grow here so easily.  And if you have been to Southern California, you probably think I'm crazy, but let me banter a bit.  This is a desolate land for the most part.  There is always dust and sand everywhere.  Scrub bushes and ruddy trees (call Scrub Oak) dot the landscape.  Pine trees are the tallest and largest trees here.... But when the weather turns cooler, and it rains for days, the ground comes alive!  Just outside our house there is a path to the Leap of Faith high ropes element, and further on, the swing set, and soccer/baseball fields.  At the beginning of that path, little shoots of grass have started coming up, of their own accord!  Grass doesn't grow here, by itself, without being unnaturally watered, unless it is raining (which only happens in the fall and winter I am told).  The ground just soaks up every little bit, and throws out grass, flowers, and sprigs of small plants that have been just waiting for moisture.  It's fun to see the transition of the land.  To enjoy a cloudy night sky, cold wind, and a hot seat by the wood stove.  God is teaching me to love this place, but I still miss you.

Flightless Hope

Emily Dickenson famously said, “Hope is the thing with feathers,” but all feathers do not fly. 

Ostriches have feathers—watchful, proud, strong, fearless, violent creatures.   Often hope must be fearless, and violently protective to survive; it must snap at the first hint of threat.  It must run so swiftly with the wind, that flight seems possible, to endure the times the wind is silent, and the howls come only from the soul.  It must puff itself up to look regal, in stunning black and white, to stare down its beak with such a fierce look as to silence the pity that the eagle and the dove so quickly bestow.  The eye says—you will not make me your pawn; fly as high as you wish, I can break you with one clip of my mighty legs, one swipe of my angry beak.  Your pity is not welcome here—do not be so bold as to grieve for me in embrace.  For an embrace will surely mean death, to your throat and my grit. For valor I have, but restraint I can only contain for a while. 

The dove is meek and mild in her approach, and while she tries to empathize, her tears only incite her own comforting, and strength is expended, the little store wasted on one who is not the flightless party.

The kingly, majestic eagle looks down its nib as only a royal would do.  Knowing it may be no match for the ostrich’s strength, but the ostrich will never keep its young on a cliff, miles above all its prey.  It also pities the ostrich for its perilous young, stranded on the earth, with only its weak courage to protect them.  The eagle is cool and collected, knowing the ostrich has much to favor, and envy, but never saying so, as that would give way to maliciousness and cruelty.  It inclines its head in the ostrich’s direction, and nods its crown in respect to the weaker fowl.

The penguin is not commonly thought of as a feathery familiar, but it is.  It oft is overlooked for its merits as a bird—only thought of adoringly, with childlike virginity and wholesomeness.  It mates for life—a well-known, repetitively spoken fact.  But feathery friend or foe, the details bereft of this get foggy.  Their penguin suit is likened to formal wear, as these beasts of great character rightly deserve.  They know community like no sanctuary has ever seen—fishing with grace, diving with beauty, surrounded by peers and family alike.  The males dance in unison, wooing their females, laying claim to their young’s refuge and nest.  The penguin is not afraid to display himself foolishly for his love. For all this the penguin is the only one who really “gets” the ostrich.  No feathers, no flight, no soaring above the heights—but great courage is often shown in the differences between honor and ego.  And for that, if the penguin could, or ever would, the ostrich just might allow the smallest embrace, enfolded in the penguin’s chivalrous bosom, and let his tears of hope flow freely.  Because the hope of a penguin, and of an ostrich, is much smaller, and therefore a hardier substance.  The smallness of it often seems to disappear altogether—but it still exists, in a still small form that ebbs and flows with the tide.

If ______, Then___________.

This week’s Women’s Bible study, on Esther, was extremely powerful for me.  It challenged how most of the way that I live is based on fear.  Fear of failure, loss, hurt, success, or fear itself.  A few years ago I had night terrors on a regular basis.  I had them when I was younger, and was never able to tell anyone about them, because what I dreamed was so vivid and evil.  I guess I thought if I told anyone about what I dreamed, that would reflect on me somehow, or it would say that I was a bad person.  These night terrors were awful—the worst fear I have ever felt.  I would be immobilized by my fear; paralyzed in every sense of the word.  My whole body would be drenched in sweat, and I literally could not move a muscle, usually not even to wake Dave.  The dreams were usually about someone being in my house, about safety of myself and other family members.  I remember the dream I had when I was young very clearly; to this day I remember it to a T.  I had it over and over again for years.  It always involved my mom and I getting hunted down, sometimes by the betrayal of a friend. 

The Bible study today focused on the question, “What if fear was not involved in your decision making process.”  I immediately thought, “I would write more, read more, befriend more, put myself out there more, serve more, spend less time on appearances,” and on and on.  The Bible study leader said to do this fill in the blank.  If______, then_______.  We are supposed to fill in the first blank with one of our worst fears, and the second with what would happen to us, or what we would do, if that were realized.  This last week the devil has been trying to fill me with fear over my dad having malaria.  The devil seemed to whisper, “He may die, you may never see him again, he will never meet any of your future children!”  So this is the blank I chose to fill in, and it would go something like this.

            If my dad dies in Papua New Guinea, then my mom will fall apart.  I will fall apart.  My sisters and brothers will fall apart.  We will have to live in world where my father no longer exists. Where he was SUPPOSED to live to 80 something. He will never meet my children—he, the man who loves babies, will never tell him/her about how (s)he is a better swimmer/climber/bicycler/writer/math student             than his/her mother. He will never take them camping, or teach them to tell direction by the movement of the sun.  He won’t bend down on one knee in front of them and say, in his kind voice, “Ohhh, that’s ok,” when something of his gets broken, because he doesn’t care about things.  I will never hear my Daddy laugh again; he will never take my arm in his, he will never skip embarrassingly through             the grocery store park in lot with me holding his hand.  I will fall apart….and then I will slowly start to heal, piece by piece.  I will remember….the good times—when he took me on camping trips, taught me how to set up a tent, build a fire, rappel, hike, tried to teach me a sense of direction-and how to read a map, taught me to choose a man by his character.  I will remember him playing capture the flag with water guns on my 16^th birthday, and the speech he gave when I graduated high school, and his arm in mine as I walked down the isle on my wedding day—three events my friend Jenny did not get to experience with her dad.  And I will thank God profusely for allowing me to have a father that raised             me to love God, and who loved God himself, and ALL he wanted for his children, and THEIR children, was for them to do the same. 

And then fear is gone, and courage is in its place.  Because I know that “If______, then God .”  Because, as each challenge arises, our heavenly father is there, taking our hand, and heart in his, and giving us new strength and will that are not ours but his.  He will be there with courage to spare.  2 Tim. 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.”

missing leaves

A fav. photo of Island Park back in Bryson during the Fall

Mamma

Missin my Mamma today--wondering if she would like the writing I've been doing lately, if it would make her laugh.   Wondering if she would stare at the pile of dishes on my counter, or roll her eyes at the fact that the clothes I washed three days ago are still in the dryer--dry.  Thinking this is the time of year they usually go camping, and wondering if she's thinking of cooler days around a campfire.  I know we would share a laugh over the fact that half the plants I bought a few months ago are already dead--but that having half still alive is still a pretty big deal.  I wish I could call her up, and just chat about the weather, making friends, and how everyone is doing at home.  I miss you Mamma; can't wait to talk soon.

YOU are enough

Lord, You are enough, when the tears rain down like icebergs melting in May. Lord, You are enough, when our wishes we will, aren't Your will, that day.  Lord, You are enough, when all seems lost.  Lord, You are enough, when it is the greatest of costs.  Lord, You are enough, when we only have the strength to whisper Your name.  Lord, You are enough when if feels as if nothing will ever be the same.  Lord, You are enough, when my throat burns with tears unshed.  Lord, You are enough, when the healing words go unsaid.  Lord, You are enough, when the sun basks on my skin.  Lord, You are enough, when fears creep in.  Lord, You are enough, when my day falls neatly into place, and You are enough, when piles of dishes are too vast to face.  Lord, You are enough, when my friendships are faithful, and You are enough, when they turn hateful.  Lord, You were enough for my darkest hour, and I thank you for making the words, "You are enough," lift my soul from its cower.

LN

The Girl with the Traveling Tattoo

That is the title of the parody Dave thinks I should write on the books "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" and" The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo."  Who knows, it could be amusing.  I have been writing a lot as of late, but not fiction.  The work I'm writing with a vengeance at the moment is much more personal, and I'm not sure it will ever see the light of day, but it feels good to write with a purpose.  I've been reading so much lately, all fiction, and loving it, but I'm not sure what I would write if I wrote fiction.  I don't really care about creating stories so much as reading them.  I love getting lost in their intricate lives and stories.  I just finished reading The Hunger Games, and if you want to get truly taken away in a story, you should sit down to read that one.  Just know you're not going to be able to think about anything else until you finish all three.  I realize that's not a convenience most people, especially people with kids, can afford, but give yourself an hour a day and jump in.  You won't be disappointed.  Well, I guess this post is just to say, "I've been writing," which lots of you have encouraged me to do, so there you have it.

Now that I think about it--the title of this blog could be a autobiography.....hmmmm.

Pine needles

I cannot walk through a pine forest and fail to be transported immediately back to my ten year old self, racing through the woods beside siblings on the way to Mame and Pop's house at Lake Norman, trying to beat my parents driving around by the road.  It is my most pungent memory--my strongest most fragrant reminder of sunset dinners on the boat, playing with old Legos, a random phone in a box nailed to a pine tree, being made to wear a swim belt even in shallow water, and swinging too high (and getting scolded for it) on the sunroom swing.  The smell of pine needles brings back all these things--even in the midst of a walk in Yosemite, I am reminded.

gratuitous tears

Sometimes I feel myself start to tear up, and I don't know why I'm crying...and then I remember my heart is still tender, and baby bumps and wee sleepy snuggles come to mind. I stare openly and unashamed at the cute ones that gurgle and bounce on a daddy's knee at dinner, or trundling tots as they adventure off on their own, maneuvering endless legs and tables that reach to the heavens. I feel I have no right to these tears--as travesties of vast proportions have wrecked the world, and all I have is a one-time empty womb, and hope for a future time... A dear friend once told me, she never overlooks others' pain, no matter how tiny it seems to some, and I hope I am so gracious--I strive to be so gracious..."God make my heart bigger, not smaller"

Snapshots of Colorado fun

So a couple of weeks ago we went to Colorado for a wedding. I FINALLY got to be a Best Man in a wedding (it was on my bucket list)! My long time friend, Sean Macha, and his beautiful bride, Anuschka, got married above a huge gorge with amazing views. We also got to go whitewater body boarding with them, and I got a ride on Sean's motorcycle :). On the way back to the airport in Denver, we stopped by Garden of the Gods, which we will DEFINITELY return to with gear to play! So here are a few snapshots of the fun times and beautiful scenery.

A few niceties go a LONG way

Today I had to call my medical insurance--BlueCross BlueShield--about some claims back in June and early July when all the sadness happened. It consisted of three different days of medical visits in two different states. The medical bills have really been stressing me out, considering I haven't ever had bills like these before, for thousands of dollars, but my insurance lady put me much more at ease. She was so kind and patient, going through each claim, how much the total was, and how much we are responsible for. She helped me categorize each date by how many claims for that day, so I know what to expect to get in the mail from the respective medical facilities. Though, in general, I think insurance companies get the better end of the deal on these things, and the system still needs A WHOLE LOTTA WORK, the woman I spoke to made a huge weight fall off my shoulders, just by helping me understand more, and feel more in control of the situation. It was a rather lovely experience!

Clash of the titans..errr...dislike of rules i don't agree with

I went to a training for substitute teaching today for a Christian school in the area. I agreed with pretty much everything they stood for, and the outcome of the knowledge and education the students graduate with. Many of the graduating students from this school have ended up in ivy league colleges, or top military schools or positions--I was impressed! There's just this one thing--I have to cover up all my tattoos. I know I know--most of you would say--"I told you so," or "Yep, that's why professional jobs and tattoos don't go together," but let me state my case. Firstly, with my brief experience with Californians, I have never seen this many people, of ALL walks of life and job statuses, with more tattoos--and BIG ones--before in my life. Using that point, I would say this rule would mean a lot of people have to cover up tattoos. Secondly, they recommended that it be covered up by clothing, or a bandage of some kind. Isn't a child going to be MORE curious about the tattoo, and MORE distracted by a person wearing an Ace bandage on their arm/leg all day, every day, than by the tattoo itself (obviously if the tattoo is inappropriate, this is not applicable)? Thirdly, I strongly believe that you should be the person you are all the time--meaning--don't swear at certain times in front of certain people, and not in front of others (for those of you that know me, know I am working on this in my own life too), or drink in front of certain people, and not others (again, this doesn't apply to drinking with someone you know will be tempted to drink too much, or hurting them emotionally). Stop the duplicity!!! Be the person God created you to be ALL. THE. TIME. Lastly, what is the rule accomplishing; because if it is not accomplishing something to the glory of God, then why would a Christian school make the rule (to make the parents/tuition payers happy? Because it's an old rule? etc.)? A rule that says, "You must cover all profane, lewd, or inappropriate tattoos" would be sufficient (allowing the principle to decide if something was "appropriate" in a disagreement). O.k. I'm done. I haven't ranted on here in quite awhile; feels kinda good ;). Don't worry; I won't get use to this.

sweet wee breath

I got to put a four year old up our Leap of Faith pole today. Today was my first official day working for The Oaks as one of Dave's hourly staff. I got to run the Leap of Faith with him all afternoon! All the adults had gone off already, and I walked up and asked little D if he wanted to go.

His mom: He can?!
me: Sure! We have just the harness to fit!
me to D: You want to go?
D: --big grin and nod--

He was SO excited! His little legs were quite long enough to make all the steps, so I climbed up a bit behind him to give him extra footholds with my hands. He only went half way, but that huge grin never left his face, and he loved swinging down the best! Makes me miss working with kids for sure. I'm most of the way through my application for the local school so I can substitute, and I think I'm going to go find out how I can volunteer at The Painted Turtle this week--I need some more "smile" energy, and I'm pretty sure those kids could fill me up! I also put in a application with the local pub and restaurant called The Rock. I kinda hope I get a job there, just to learn the locals; it's a kooky, fun kind of place.

Well, I'm headed home to take the dogs for an evening walk and set up our guest bedroom for a co-workers gf for night. TTYS

Things

Things I no longer take for granted:

*grass--there is only grass where the sprinklers water touches--otherwise it's sand/dirt
*big, tall, shady trees--there are several of these around my house, and I'm so thankful for them!!!
*rain--if it rains before November, it's always a surprise, so far it has rained once since Dave arrived here mid-May, and thankfully I got to be here for that one!)
*internet--internet was easier to get in S. Africa--here I have to walk/bike to Dave's office to get it, hopefully Verizon will grace us with its presence very soon.
*cell phone coverage--in case you have tried to call me here, I don't get cell reception except in a few select places (when the wind is not blowing and I am facing the correct direction). So--text me first, then I'll find a spot to talk to you (though I may have to run to the soccer field to do so)
*electric stove--ours is gas--which still totally freaks me out! I'm still afraid i'm going to blow up the house

Things I am so excited to have here!!!

*a washer and dryer!!!! (I HAVE NEVER HAD ONE IN MY HOUSE!!!)
*a bathtub--it is SO nice to shave my legs and NOT hit my head on the adjoining wall
*neighbors I can pop in on daily--or join on the playground with their kids (I have never known my neighbors very well--maybe because most of them were seasonal renters, but it is SO nice to enjoy my neighbors and their great kids, AND wonderful hospitality!)
*Barnes & Noble, Trader Joe's, Target, Olive Garden, $2 movies, etc---Palmdale is TWENTY MINUTES away, and has ALL THESE THINGS, plus MORE! It's so awesome!!!!

Prayer things:
*(me) Need to find a purpose driven thing for me--a part-time job, volunteer work, SOMETHING--i'm going a little stir crazy
*(dave) Support at he plays "catch-up" for these past few months as he's still new to his job, and there's always something else to do or plan (ah the camp life)

We love you all!!!

beginnings

I'm sitting in Dave's office getting internet this morning (well, it's morning here for 3 more minutes--which means it will probably be afternoon by the time I finish), as I don't have internet, or for that matter, cell phone coverage, at the house. The house is pretty much unpacked, except for the spare room/office/whatever that becomes. The paint colors aren't my favorite, but they are manageable for now, and after summer camp ends and things settle down here, then maybe we will get to pick out some nicer colors.

We've decided to theme our house a sort of bohemia feel, I guess that means eclectic? Patterns everywhere basically. At first, we had two couches with different patterns, one we bought and a super comfy one that just showed up, and I didn't like it. But then, just for fun, we threw down our rug of a different pattern, and some throw pillows ALSO with different patters, and I kinda fell in love with it! Dave loves it of course :). He said this is exactly how he always wanted his house to look. I'm sure Grandmama would say it looks more like "early basement, late attic" in style, lol, but it's us. Now if we can just get the boxes taken away, the pictures hung, and the house cleaned, we will be good.

I think my chances of finding full time teaching this year are slim to none, and i have to say i am more than o.k. with that. I am pursuing being a regular substitute this year at the local schools, and then trying to get in more full time next year. I do need SOMETHING to keep me focused, and I want to learn more about the community center up the road, and see if they have a volunteer tutoring program. There's also this camp, called The Painted Turtle, that I am interested in as well. It's funny because after high school I was very interested in working at the camp Kyle Petter helped with, Victory Junction, that works with kids that have disabilities and special needs. The Painted Turtle is literally 3 minutes away, and is one of the string of camps associated Victory Junction spread across the U.S. So, there are lots of things to explore this fall. I do feel a bit guilty for not pursuing a full time teaching position more heartily, ok at all, but I don't know why. I guess I just feel I should be monitarily inputing into our family more, since I won't be having a baby this school year.

Well, lunch is soon, and I should walk the dogs back to the house. Two camp kids just scootered by the window towards the dining hall, so I guess I should head that way too. I have a coffee date with a friend this afternoon during her boys' nap time that I am very excited about. Now I just need to unload a few boxes before then!

a reappearance

I didn't want to talk to anyone--but I clung to Bethany and Shannon. That's how I felt that day--I wanted to shut everything down and disappear. And I did to some extent--I didn't tell anyone except for immediate family--and Bethany and Shannon were the ones that called them all--I couldn't do it--I couldn't hear the sadness in their voices or hear their tears. I needed to shut down to preserve what was left of the joy in my life at that moment. And that's how I went on with the roadtrip. I needed to make new memories of that week, to fall in a different kind of love with my sisters, and have a time we can always look back on, a time that was not completely overshadowed by grief.

I texted and FB-ed about our loss last week, and didn't reply to many texts or calls from anyone--but the words from you all meant the world to us. I'm slowly opening back up, and am able to talk about it a bit, though still not without tears quite often, so if you call and I start to cry, and you are a bit scared (considering I really hate to cry in front of people, whether on the phone or not), know I can't help it anymore, they just seem to pour out of me at random moments.

Our stuff arrived Friday, and seeing the baby things was really difficult. I didn't think I would want to go through the boxes, but I did--I wanted to see it all and remember how excited we were. And something else happened too; the love from all the people those things came from poured out on us. Seeing the shoes, the cute onesies, the New Daddy Survival Kit, it made us cry yes, but it also made us feel loved. We know we will have a child one day, hopefully at least one I am able to carry myself, and that stuff gives us hope.

I am s l o w l y settling into camp life here, after having spent much of the time last week in doctor's offices and the like, but I do feel a bit restless to try and find my place here. I need a purpose--maybe a job--something, so please pray that I find that, whatever it is, soon. Also pray for my friendships here to blossom. There are some amazingly loving people here at camp--pray that I am adventurous in my pursuit of them. You laugh, because you see me as an extremely outgoing and loud person I am sure, but when it comes to new arena's, I am often shy (I KNOW! A word not EVER associated with me). I will be on here more now hopefully. And I am ready for calls and letters and such if you would like to chat. I always love mail too <3.

EOG's--morning one

This morning started out so completely chaotic. I got up on time, got to school by 7:20, and then hit the ground running. I barely remembered to use the bathroom before we had to be "locked" in the classroom for 3 hrs! Our block of teachers decided to use some of the money our students fundraised to get them breakfast on the EOG mornings. While that seemed like a great idea, in reality it made it just that much more stressful for us each morning. Now we have to get here, get all our testing stuff, get the food from whoever picked it up, located which fridge the waterbottles are in, set out all testing stuff, and get the kids to eat & use the bathroom before 8:15. It's a little much :). Anyway, the kids are busily taking their tests now, and they have 5 more minutes before their first stand-up and stretch break. I didn't get myself coffee this morning because I was afraid it would make me have to pee, but now I'm about to fall asleep. I will say I am enjoying the quiet and praying the kids know this stuff! We'll see!

and a bit more :)

Well--my last post was title "the Big News," but honestly I think our newest news is bigger! The week before Easter I started feeling bad. I wasn't sure what it was, but it didn't seem out of the ordinary. That week came and went, and the feeling didn't go away. Then I took a test--and we are going to have a baby! We are both extremely excited, but it's also a very difficult time. Dave left last Saturday for California, and I will follow the last week of June. He's only been gone for four days, and I'm already lost without him. Plus, being in my first trimester, I often feel sick to my stomach (though thankfully have not actually thrown up), and am usually exhausted regardless of my amount of sleep. This morning I can barely keep my eyes open! These last few weeks of school feel like I'm trudging through the mud to keep up. Trying to push the kids to study for the EOG's is so hard--they don't want to do it, but they also want to pass--it's a total catch-22.
I'm trying to pack a bit more each day, find renters for both apartments, work out plans with our property manager, find a person to mow the yard when we're gone, and work out dates with the movers (plus finding someone to help transport our new couch from Asheville to my house). And I'm exhausted all the time...did I mention that? God willing these weeks will fly by, but right now the calendar seems to stretch to eternity.

the big news...

Some of you may have heard a rumor...or a leak of some interesting information regarding our future abode. A while back Dave was laid off from his state job working with adjudicated youth, and he started putting in applications all over the U.S. for camp jobs. He then started getting a few nibbles here and there; a few phone interviews. After awhile there was a pretty big offer--he was flown out to California to view a camp and interact with the staff there that he had had phone interviews with. A few days later they offered him a job, and a few days after that....he accepted! So, we are moving out to Lake Hughes, California. Actually, Dave is moving in just a few weeks--he has to start staff training, as in training his staff, on the 19th. I will be staying in WNC until the school year is over, and roadtriping out there the last week in June with (hopefully) Shannon and Bethany! It's a quick move--and pretty crazy at the moment, but things seem to be falling in place! I think we found a property manager for our duplex, so we can keep renting it out. I have already put in a few applications there--nothing yet--but i'm hopeful it will work out. Anyway--that's the news--if you want to know specifics about Dave's job, FB him! :)

boys...and girls :)

I sat in the classroom after my students finished up testing--hoping to be able to keep them quiet for the other classes benefits. How EXACTLY do you keep 20 thirteen and fourteen years olds in a very small room quiet??? Well--i told them they COULD NOT talk, but they could sit side-by-side and pass notes. This obviously led to whispering, but as long as I told them they couldn't talk, it stayed like that--since they already felt like rebels by breaking the rules for not talking :). I hate being so hard on them--especially because i want to love on them all the time, cause most of the time i think they are hilarious and i just have to be a hard-ass and not laugh--when i really feel like it! I love the times when i can cut up with them, when we have free time and i can get to know them better, and see what's REALLY going on in their lives. Of course some days I feel like I want to wring their little necks, but mostly--these days--i want to hug them--but i don't cause that's not allowed :). This first year teaching has been one roller coaster after another. The first part of the year was terribly hard, but now it gets easier every day. About halfway through the year i wasn't sure if i wanted to teach next year, if teaching was really my calling, but now I know it is. Middle schoolers are a rough bunch for sure, but they are "pretty cool" after all, don't tell THEM i said that of course.

Dear Graduate......

Dear Graduate:
You are about to embark on a journey of a lifetime! The world is your oyster, and you are....the fisherman? I'm not really sure where they are going with that metaphor, but it is said quite often isn't it? And what IS this about this journey you are about to embark on--this adventure, I mean, what HAVE you been doing for the last twenty-two years of your life anyway---waiting in line? Or possibly a queue if you're British. I say--you've already had several, if not many many adventures, now they will just be on your own dime. Anyway, to all of your graduates out there, who are being asked DAILY where your life is going, and what you are going to do with it, here are a few choice one or two liners that may get you off the hook, or at least put a smile on YOUR face. You're welcome.

To answer the question, "So what are you going to do after you graduate?"

To your grandparents---Well, I heard recently of this place in Montana where you get to work for your keep. Kinda like an old Western. It's really cool though! I could be putting up fence posts and expounding on world hunger with REAL PEOPLE. It's totally NOT like a commune or anything. Mom and Dad think it's a great idea.

To the younger, expectant students--McDonald's--yep--they said their manager has a graduate degree in psychology! So--i may have to go back to school to move up, but I'm starting out behind the register for now, since I do have a business degree.

To random people who you don't really know--Stand-up comedy! Yeah, my teachers always said if I didn't go into it I would be wasting my talent. What? No I didn't get a degree in acting; it was in ceramics actually. Why do you ask?

To the old--I'm getting into the Forestry Film Industry. Yeah! You know those people who do the videos of the plants growing? You can ACTUALLY watch trees grow!

To the over-educated, 7-degree, 40 yr old full-time student--Pet grooming. I think pets really need to consider the message they're sending out to children going out without clothes on or their nails done.

To the people who paid for your education: I'm gonna donate platelets, like, every two weeks--did you know they PAY you for that? It's so sweet!

To the raft guide--I'm going to go on welfare--I will make more sitting on my butt than you do getting raft rear all summer! And I can buy beer with THAT money too!


And then you could ask in return: "And what are you going to do about our country's over consumption of fuel, the huge deficit, and tsunami victims in Japan?" And wait for their answer to your huge, life-altering question.

what i spend my "free" money on

When I have a little extra money, I never spend it on pedicures and this is somehow odd to some of my school friends. But I have things to do with my money! Like see movies, for instance, because I love movies! And buy used books--there is little I love more than a good used book store and $10 in my pocket. I also like to hang-out with friends--so some of my money goes towards eating out. And of course the biggest expense is travel--because, if i could, I would travel every month or so to a new place outside the U.S. for the weekend. So--in case you were ever wondering--that's what I spend my "free" money on. Not pedicures, tanning beds, gym memberships, new cars, or outdoor gear :)

roots

When you get married, everyone figures you'll put down roots somewhere. You'll move to a small town, get involved in a church, befriend people at work and people that have the same hobbies as you. We did that. But the problem is, our roots seem to be dying and moving away--not us. In past two years, two of our closest couple friends have gotten a divorce, and one of them has moved away. Another couple moved to Florida, and one of our best guy friends moved to Asheville (though it's close, we still don't see him that often). And then there's the people we meet during the summer and love, but leave during the other three seasons of the year. Oh--we have also had a pastor change while we've been here--they also moved away. And now that I think about it, our first music leader and his wife moved too! Our roots are disappearing right and left, and we feel as if we have stayed put, and yet we're constantly starting over! Lately, with Dave's job ending, we've been looking at other places for jobs. Every time I think about it, I think, "But we'll have to start over," but then I realize I've already started over about three times since we moved HERE, I should be a pro at this now. For example, I love my new friends at school. We text and FB chat and hang out all the time! But what if my contract doesn't get renewed next year; it's pretty certain we really wouldn't see each other that much, considering I don't work in the town we live in. Or Dave--who's really bonded with his fellow employees this year, and now they are being dispersed to look for new jobs--again--he doesn't work where we live. It's exhausting! It almost makes me not want to try! What if i get close to these people and they have a nasty divorce--you say i don't have to choose, but they are gonna make me choose between them when new relationships crop up (i know, been there done that with a few of them already). There is nothing more rewarding than being in true fellowship with people, but it's almost like getting broken up with when circumstances change and relationships dissolve! I don't like it--and I don't really have an answer, but starting over all the time really sucks

i believe...in fairies?

not so much, but that would be great. I would like a cleaning fairy, and a chocolate fairy, and a lesson planning fairy.

During the sermon at church the other day, I started thinking about the line I draw when it comes to "faith." I put that in parenthesis because I feel like people often use "faith" as crutch to be lazy, indecisive, and unappreciative of the abilities they already have. For example, people say, "When God wants me to have a job He'll give me one." Really? So THAT'S why there are millions of people out of work--because God doesn't want them to have jobs? Don't get me wrong, I do NOT believe that, "God helps those who help themselves" (possibly from Ben Franklin...but probably quoted by him from someone else). However, I do believe God creates us as mostly capable human beings, with brains, gumption, and sometimes common sense. So SOME of the people who do not have jobs may not be trying hard enough (on NPR the other day there was a guy who put in about 100 applications a month minimum to finally find a job--now that's REALLY wanting a job), but others just may be down on their luck. So where does using what God gave you, and faith come together? Well, I think we do what we can, work hard, love well, connect with others (maybe one of the hardest things to do), and live in faith that WHATEVER happens, God will be there to see us through it. Faith is not believing God will make everything work out the way you hope it will, it's believing there is something to still hope for when everything falls apart.

new year.....

it's been awhile...hmmm...so what's new? Well, it's now January, instead of November (when I last posted). Since last time, I have enjoyed a beautiful Thanksgiving with my family here, a snowy Christmas with my family in Ireland (and a lovely new nephew), lots of snow days and fun with sleds, a time of growth in my marriage, and an improved outlook on teaching middle schoolers. Oh! And I started taking Spanish classes again! It's a lot right?
First off, I think this past year's Thanksgiving was one of the most rewarding I can remember in quite awhile. It was a great time of visiting with both sides of the family; such good conversations, meals, and love from everyone we saw!
Over Christmas we went back to Ireland to see Dave's family. As soon as we got there, we were snowed in. It stayed below freezing most of our visit, but we got to spend it with all of his family, and new baby Micah too!
After we got back home, it snowed some more :). Well, all of you know that as you have experienced it all--but it's still on the ground and causing school delays here. We were out all but one day in the last week--which led to lots of snow fun at home!
Dave and I, and some good friends and neighborhood kids, sledded quite a bit in the last week (air mattress sledding is the way to go with lots of powder by the way). It also gave Dave and I time to relax together, as he was snowed in with me (yay!). We had some quality time, which we needed after holiday business.
The new Spanish teacher at the high school decided to offer a Spanish class for teachers, and he is wonderful; very excited and enthusiastic. I'm learning a lot already! I can even do the Mexican handshake :).
Anyway, that's a little bit of my life since November.
OH! I almost forgot my New Year's Resolutions!
1-Yoga twice a week for at least 30 mins (i failed the 1st week--but so far so good on the 2nd one!)
2-Take a vacation with just Dave and I some time this year (we haven't done that in ages, and I know we don't have kids, but it's better time spent together when we are out of the house)--we were going to go during Spring Break--but with the snow days, it looks like we may have had it already! :)