Dear Graduate:
You are about to embark on a journey of a lifetime! The world is your oyster, and you are....the fisherman? I'm not really sure where they are going with that metaphor, but it is said quite often isn't it? And what IS this about this journey you are about to embark on--this adventure, I mean, what HAVE you been doing for the last twenty-two years of your life anyway---waiting in line? Or possibly a queue if you're British. I say--you've already had several, if not many many adventures, now they will just be on your own dime. Anyway, to all of your graduates out there, who are being asked DAILY where your life is going, and what you are going to do with it, here are a few choice one or two liners that may get you off the hook, or at least put a smile on YOUR face. You're welcome.
To answer the question, "So what are you going to do after you graduate?"
To your grandparents---Well, I heard recently of this place in Montana where you get to work for your keep. Kinda like an old Western. It's really cool though! I could be putting up fence posts and expounding on world hunger with REAL PEOPLE. It's totally NOT like a commune or anything. Mom and Dad think it's a great idea.
To the younger, expectant students--McDonald's--yep--they said their manager has a graduate degree in psychology! So--i may have to go back to school to move up, but I'm starting out behind the register for now, since I do have a business degree.
To random people who you don't really know--Stand-up comedy! Yeah, my teachers always said if I didn't go into it I would be wasting my talent. What? No I didn't get a degree in acting; it was in ceramics actually. Why do you ask?
To the old--I'm getting into the Forestry Film Industry. Yeah! You know those people who do the videos of the plants growing? You can ACTUALLY watch trees grow!
To the over-educated, 7-degree, 40 yr old full-time student--Pet grooming. I think pets really need to consider the message they're sending out to children going out without clothes on or their nails done.
To the people who paid for your education: I'm gonna donate platelets, like, every two weeks--did you know they PAY you for that? It's so sweet!
To the raft guide--I'm going to go on welfare--I will make more sitting on my butt than you do getting raft rear all summer! And I can buy beer with THAT money too!
And then you could ask in return: "And what are you going to do about our country's over consumption of fuel, the huge deficit, and tsunami victims in Japan?" And wait for their answer to your huge, life-altering question.
